The completion of rain.

Last night I woke up and heard droplets on my window.
I let a smile out, and closed my eyes and traveled back to dream land.
I love the rain.
Here in little ol' Gilbert, AZ its almost been raining for a full 24 hours.
So many people complain, or get depressed, but for me I smile.
I look out that window to the blowing trees and falling rain, and suddenly feel warm.
Maybe I'm not supposed to live in a place where the sun shines a solid 300 days a year.
I once told Devin that every morning I get up and look out the window with hopes of an overcast sky, and he laughed and said I must get disappointed a lot. :)

Lately I have been wishing I had another blog. A blog where I could strip down and write every little quark in my day, or sorrow filled moment, or little gifts of happiness that fill my day. I didnt think that I could do that here. I thought I had to keep it all professional. It wasnt until a friend said "Oh wait, you dont have a personal blog anymore, its just your photography huh?" that I realized that I have really let that side of me hide away.
Truth is, I love writing. I used to fill journals with my thoughts. Mostly they were angry, because I was a teenager and "hated my oh so terrible, perfectly spoiled life", but still I wrote.
So many times I find myself trying to add a personal touch here and there on my posts. Eventually I just delete it all, and end the sentence awkwardly and abruptly. Its hard to be vulnerable. To let you all know that sometimes I fail. That I am no where near perfect, and to show it off. Well ok, not show it off, but definitely not hide. But I want to connect, and I want to be real.
Something I crave in my life, and strive for in my photography is purity, and 'rawness'.
So I am starting here.
I am being me, with all my imperfections attached.
photo via paper tissue


jamesonphotos said...
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jamesonphotos said...

Wow I think you really hit the nail on the head here. It's SO hard for me to be vulnerable and put myself out there in blogland (or really any setting for that matter). What will people think? Will they like me? Am I interesting enough? After these questions run through my head, I do the same thing you mentioned--delete everything and post something less deep. My main goal for the year is to be more real. To just be comfortable being me in every setting. Thanks for the insight, it's exactly what I'm feeling right now :)

Cody & Rachelle Steele said...

i miss this side of you too. you know i'm with you on the cloudy, dark overcast sky. its my all time favorite. i also miss reading your journals. your thoughts and words have always been a comfort to me because i like knowing someone else is vulnerable. love you baby girl! keep writing. no more awkward abrupt endings. be real. be raw. be you.

nadia shea said...

I think so many of us feel this same way with our blogs. I have, with much hesitation, written posts that were raw and personal. On a few occasions I've hit "backspace, backspace, backspace" until it's mostly gone. or even quickly deleted my posts. But the few times that I've really opened my heart I have been shocked by the heartfelt responses. A few people have told me how much I inspire them, even on occasion people I do not know at all. It was so rewarding and fulfilling. I hope you post your deepest thoughts and feelings. Good and bad. You won't regret it.